The Most Exclusive Club in the Whole Wide World

So my best Christmas gift ever was probably a bicycle. I think every kid remembers that Christmas where they wake up, make a mad dash for the Christmas tree and see for the first time a brand new bike sitting there that they KNOW is theirs. It’s not the Barbie bike with the colored streamers coming out of the handles and the giant flower basket in the front (that was obviously for my sister), but it was the red Huffy mountain bike with the 15 speed that I’d been waiting, praying and dreaming about for soooooooo long. I knew then that Santa ROCKED.

Well, this Christmas was a little bit different.

In my old age, Christmas gifts tend to get a bit boring…I exchange gifts with my family and a few close friends, but the gifts always seem to be same sort of thing. A sweatshirt, makeup for the ladies in my life, something “fishing” related for my dad, etc. etc. But this year, my friends literally surprised me with something I never would have expected…They got me a membership to the most exclusive club in the whole wide world…the BACON OF THE MONTH CLUB.

What, you may ask is the Bacon of the Month Club? Well (as my friend Mary excitedly told me as she unveiled my present), it is basically just a club where every month, you get bacon delivered right to your door. AWESOME.

For those of you that don’t know, I like pork. As a kid (up until a few years ago), I would be the type of person who would get a piece of bacon, and throw away all the white, gelatinous fat. With a steak, I’d chop off every bit of the fatty white marble, eating only the beef. But, with the advent of pork belly on EVERY restaurant menu in the City of NY, I have begun to appreciate fat. In fact, I’ve grown to LOVE fat and ESPECIALLY, pork fat. On a menu, if I see pork belly, pork skin, pork hooves, pork chops, I have to order it. I know its unhealthy, but screw it. You only live once. And, as the adage goes, “fat is where the flavor is”.

Upon arriving back to NYC from Christmas break in Cali, I opened my mail to find a membership package (complete with T-Shirt, pig snout, pig pen and a membership certificate) into the Bacon of the Month Club. YES! I was official.

Around two weeks later, I arrived home to find a note from the USPS, alerting me that a package was attempted to be delivered to my door. Of course, living in the East Village, there was no one to sign for the package, so the following day, I schlepped to the local post office to pick up what I knew was my first pork delivery. Dropping off my slip at the pick up window, the old man working behind the counter went behind to pick up the package. My mind raced with thoughts…”What would the box look like?”, “Is bacon shelf stable or does it need to be refrigerated?”, “Is this going to be some crap Oscar Mayer bacon that I could have gotten at the local bodega?”, “I hope its not going to be lame”…

Well, you could imagine my surprise when the post office attendant brought from behind the counter a box that was big enough to hold a baby elephant. “I was wondering who was in a bacon club”, he joked as he passed me the box. I took the box from his hands, looking at it. “Could this giant box really be mine?” I thought. The wording on the package confirmed it…

Bacon of the Month - Box

…”Bacon of the Month Club” was EMBLAZONED all over the box. There was no denying it, this giant cardboard box was mine. “YES” I thought immediately…”SCORE! There must be like 10 lbs. of bacon in this box!!” I jumped on the subway (since I was on my way to work), giant box in hand clutched to my chest. Did everyone in NYC need to know that I was in the “Bacon of the Month Club”? No. But I couldn’t find a bag big enough to hide the evidence that I was a pork fiend. I had to go to work, and I was already 30 minutes late.

Bacon of the Month - Box (2)

Upon getting to work, I immediately got to action…opening my package and finding out what pig-laden jewel laid beneath. I peeled back the packing tape…I felt as if I was Charlie and I was about to open that one Wonka Bar with the Golden Ticket. Curiously, I opened the first flap of the box…”What was inside” I wondered…

Bacon of the Month - Open Box

Hmm…a sheet of paper with some corny “Bacon Trivia”…Whatevs. I want pork. Not trivia.

Eagerly, I opened what was underneath…

Bacon of the Month - Inside Box

“Hmm”, I thought…”Well…it CLEARLY isn’t the 10 lbs. of bacon that the this GIANT box would suggest”, but YAAAAY! My first shipment had arrived. It was in perfect condition. It was wrapped thoroughly in some high-gloss-aluminum-spaceship-grade packaging and a chilled ice pack was on top.

One pound of fresh-from-the-farm Vande Rose Farms Applewood Smoked Bacon. Delivered from Des Moines, IA. David Chang (the chef synonymous with the East Village “Momofuku” restaurant chain fame and lover of all things pig said this about the bacon: “One of the best bacons ever! Taste and Balance are tremendous. It all starts with a great pig, man.”

Bacon of the Month - Vande Rose Farms Applewood Smoked Bacon

I have yet to cook my bacon…I’ve been busy the past week or so in DC for the inauguration (a post to follow soon!), but I am giddy in anticipation.

And, since my “Bacon of the Month” club would not have been possible without my three lovely girl friends (some of the best friends a guy could ask for), I will give them a shout out too. Thanks Mary, Aubrey and Jenny. I love you gals.

Once again, you made me believe…SANTA ROCKS.

OINK OINK!!!

Aubrey, Mary and Jenny - My Bacon Enablers